I have been dreading this time of the year...

Usually when April rolls around I am getting so excited about the warming weather...days out by the pool...weekends spent at the fishing camp with family...our anniversary...a few trips to the beach...and whatever summertime may bring, but this year I knew would be so different. Tomorrow, April 23rd will mark one year since Shea and I found out we were going to have a baby. I will never forget that day.

I was scheduled to have my regular "girly" appointment and I had told myself if I had not started my period that I would take a pregnancy test...just in case. Shea and I had been trying for two months and my doctor had already told me that she felt I would need assistance to get pregnant because of my medical history with my menstrual cycles. In fact, I was looking forward to visiting with the doctor to get a game plan. Well this morning in particular I got up early...took a pregnancy test and got back in the bed!!! YES....without even looking at the results. Looking back I think how in the heck did I do that...but I think I was half asleep. Shea wakes me up again to get dressed and I ask him if the test by the sink is positive...he yells out YES!!! I thought he was kidding. He didn't even know it was a pregnancy test. He just thought it was another ovulation test. We get the booklet out to make sure we aren't reading this test wrong. The positive line is SO faint that I don't believe the test. First thing I do is call my mom. Of course my dad answers and says mom is getting dressed and I explain to him I MUST talk to mom. He grumbles as says..."Becky...your youngest daughter MUST talk to you". Mom says hello and I say..."Mom, I THINK I am pregnant?!?!" Mom goes...What? You THINK??? What does that mean??? I explain to her that the line is SO faint. I send Shea to the Ramey's in Sumrall for another test. I take two more...all show the same faint line. So Shea decides to go to the doctor with me. The nurse comes in and I explain everything to her...I even pull out the pregnancy tests!!! HAHA! I do a urine test at the doctor's office and this tech comes back in with the results. The nurse says...well what does the test show. The tech so rudely goes..."It's faint." I am thinking...show some emotion please! The nurse says faintly negative or faintly positive? She says positive! Of course...I start crying. We were pregnant! How exciting!!! After the appointment I went to my parent's house because I had to see my mom. We cried some more and then I remember Shea and I smiling from ear to ear and going to Books A Million to get the book my best friend Lori insisted that I get..."What to Expect when Expecting".

I know that this is just the first anniversary date of my pregnancy with Mary Glenn and I have so many more milestones to go these next eight months. I miss MG more and more each day...and I even find some days harder now than I did a few months ago. It's already been over five months since I held my precious daughter and words can not express how grateful that I am of the time I got to spend with her. I will always remember my time rocking her in the rocking chair in the FGH NICU and the entire family and staff singing Jesus Loves Me. I also can not find the words to express to Mary Glenn my thanksgiving. Her little body and soul changed my life forever. As I try to improve my daily walk with God and lean ever more on His words I think of how MG blessed me beyond belief. My walk with God always needs to be stronger, but if I compare it to my life before MG...it's overwhelming how far I have come. Never does a day go by that I don't think of my sweet baby...rather it be when I get to work each morning and the first thing I see on my desk is my baby girl or if it is in my prayers when I thank the Lord for our miracle.

I ask that you continue to pray for Shea and I as we struggle through this time of the year. Shea and I pray daily that the Lord may bless us with another sweet child...a child of God...but while we wait on God's timing we praise Him! He is everything and I remind myself that I am nothing without Him. Our Father does not waiver...he still gives me the same peace that he did on August 20th when we found out the news of MG. My faith remains constant in our Heavenly Father as I know that it is He that gives me the strength to get through each day.

1 Peter 1:2 Who have been chosen according to the foreknowledge of God the Father, through the sanctifying work of the Spirit, to be obedient to Jesus Christ and sprinkled with his blood: Grace and peace be yours in abundance.

May God Bless You!
Bethany